Posted on Leave a comment

Mama-Nesting: Tidying Up to Clean out the Mental Junk

blackbird-nest-2206124_640

No. I am not referencing Marie Kondo in this post! I am nearly out of my second trimester, it seems time is flying these days. I generally feel ready for Mira’s arrival and I am not stressing about preparations. I haven’t even read a pregnancy book. The weekly growth reminders from my app are all I need.

It is kind of weird to be in this space. Naturally I am a planner, but somehow this pregnancy is letting me go with the flow more than I ever have in my life. I mentioned in a previous post the personal work that is required of me at this time. I wanted to expand on those thoughts a little more.

Identifying the Clutter

When I wrote Integrating the Mama, I identified the types of thoughts that have negatively occupied my mind. This is the first step in healing any type of wound. Identify the problem, know how you react, what the mind does when you think those thoughts, and consiously change your behavior.

Just as you walk through your home (my Marie Kondo insight) and feel if your things spark joy, you do the same with your thoughts. Thoughts are things, and holding on to negativity will create a negative outcome in life. So, if a thought doesn’t spark joy– release it, change it, get rid of it!

Catch 22

Yes, it is easy to say stop thinking “bad” thoughts. Actually doing it is something else. We are creatures of habit. We have been told many things that are not always in alignment with our true nature, and we’ve started to believe it. We have maybe been abused or endured a trauma that has left its mark. Maybe feelings and thoughts around those events creep back in more than we care to admit.

It all becomes a habit. The emotions we are “comfortably uncomfortable” with are easier to dwell on than the joy we can create. Trust me, I speak from experience.

I think the definition of my habitual attitude is “brooder”. Merriam-Webster defines that as someone who worries about everything, lol. I will brood about something that happened 10 years ago and feel nothing will ever be “right” when everything within my grasp IS right. You see quite a catch-22.

Owner/Victim Choice

A few years ago I was pointed to this audio by Steve Chandler. It is totally worth your 30 minutes to listen! He outlines two very different outlooks on life, the choice of being a victim or an owner of life. I was a victim, who had a glimpse of ownership. An owner is someone who sees life as a gift and uses life as an energy source to create what they want for themselves. A victim is someone who is lackluster, feels that life is unfair or a burden.

I was raised by victims. My main influences were people who were defined by their negative circumstances and often blamed their problems on those circumstances. A very common thought in my family was that something bad happened 10, 20, or even more years ago, so today is doomed. This is why my childhood was riddled with addiction.

My parents and grandparents fell victim to their emotional pains, so they would reach for a substance or choose an action to numb those negative feelings. They could not name the thought, claim it, and tame it. I had (and yes, it still sometimes reappears) tendencies to lean toward some of those thought patterns.

Becoming an owner is to recognize it and know that I have complete and total control of how I think and feel. Each and every day it is my choice to wake up and choose to be happy. I believe life is a gift and there is beauty all around, so my to-do list each and every day is how am I going to recognize this beauty and express it to the world around me?

rake-2915742_640

Weed and Seed

There are many techniques for changing our mental habits. To truly tidy-up the mind you have to make a commitment to yourself to make a mental change.

To begin my “weeding” process I take an inventory of things that I engage with that are either fulfilling or draining. What am I listening to? Who am I spending time with? What am I watching on tv or engaging with on social media? Being aware of what is nourshing points you in the direction of what you need to do more of.

Consciously program in all that’s GOOD. I do this by listening to something inspiring in the morning and reading something positive as I end the day.  I do not spend a lot of time reading rants on the internet or diving too deeply into politics.

Spend time in nature. This is another big one for my well-being. Connecting with nature and taking in the beauty allows my mind to relax and feel expansive rather than constricted. Too many days without doing this exercise can really change my mood, and not for the better.

Surround yourself with a tribe of good people! Just a short coffee break with a friend or a playdate with a wonderful mama is a great way to nourish and keep yourself uplifted. It is easy, especially as a mom of young children, to stay inside and sweep up crumbs. Take time to nourish yourself and your relationships!

These are the tips I use to keep myself in a positive mindset, and something that I am making a habit of during these last months of pregnancy. I am keeping the garden that is my mind clear of the weeds, and planting plenty of good seeds that I can nourish and grow as I move into this next phase of life.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on Leave a comment

From Boobs to Books

I mentioned in a previous post that I was in the process of weaning my toddler. I am happy to report that we have had success! The weaning process took a bit longer than I anticipated, however our second goal date was achieved!

Untitled design-19.png

It’s All About Distraction

This has been a gentle process, and I am so happy that the toddler mind is maleable. With our son, changing his routine and keeping him busy has been the key. Daddy has taken over many roles, this worked out well with our timing and the Christmas holiday. Now that daddy is back to work, I am working to keep him distracted.

Our morning routine is pretty strict. Ezra naps between 10:30 and 11 each day, so I schedule our morning chores in that early morning window. We are home by naptime and he is so sleepy, he just tells me bye and falls right to sleep in his crib without nursing.

Bedtime has even been an easy transition, although the last to go. It has been a similar process. Dinner, bath, and then we move away from our typical nursing spot (my bed) and on to the sofa. We pick several books and have storytime before bed. I will read one and daddy reads another. Then we say our goodnights to one another and to random objects in the house. He goes to his bed, rolls over and falls asleep without a fuss.

 

childrens-books-570121_640

Read to Me, Mama

I have placed piles of books in our typical nursing spots. Ezra loves board books with silly rhymes or recognizable pictures. For several days, each time I would sit down, he would collapse in my lap and sign milk.

Instead of obliging, I would pick up one of his favorite books and start reading.  After a few sentences he would quickly forget about the milk and become absorbed in the book. After 3 days of this, asking for milk is no more. Now he brings the book to me and will cuddle on my lap for reading time.

Nurturing our Emotions

The nursing relationship is a special one. It is bittersweet to move on from this phase of parenting, and both Ezra and I still need to have moments of bonding that would resemble our nursing moments.

I wake up ready to nurse him in the mornings, even though I know it is over.  Ezra is not cuddly for long stretches of time, however I savor those moments when he nestles his head into my shoulder for some extra mama reassurance.

It has taken diligence and discipline on my part. Breaking my habit of giving in each time he asked or whined for milk and being firm has helped define the boundary. Toddlers need boundaries and guidance to what is allowed and what is not. Once the boundary was defined, the whining stopped.

My deepest fear was losing the connection that Ezra and I shared. Breastfeeding is more than just nutrition. It is a hormonal bond, the release of oxytocin– the “love” hormone. I did have to grieve for a brief moment.

Parenting is a series of phases, and accepting that this phase needed to be over for my comfort and sanity before the birth of our next baby was crucial. After accepting it, and allowing my little bird to grow his wings so he can move on to his next phase has been quite a journey. For Ezra, he is using this time to develop his language skills and show us what he has been trying to say!