I started this blog to keep myself on track with my diet, a bit of accountability. Yesterday, I was outside with my husband mulching our flower beds, and I realized my next blog had to touch on the subject of integration. This is another glimpse into wellness, beyond eating quality food.
From the holistic perspective, we are more than a body. True wellness encompasses mind, body, spirit, emotions, and relationships. If any of these areas are out of sync, then we can carry a weight, or dis-integration that is not the true essence of health and well-being. Several years ago, I heard the motivational speaker Jim Rohn say that “we are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. Our closest relationships influence us greatly, whether we are aware of it or not. Our self-esteem, our way of thinking, and even our decisions can be affected by those in our inner sphere.
In my not-so-distant past, I carried a lot of negativity around with me in the form of relationships. My biggest offenders were my parents, and then on to my ex-husband. Those relationships carried similar traits with a lot of verbal abuse, gaslighting, and addiction. My reality was very skewed, I doubted myself, I believed negative words about myself, my closest friends, my decision-making ability, my desires for self-improvement, and on and on.
Several years ago, I landed on a positive group of people and I truly found my passion for my profession, my own healing, and healing for others. As I began that journey the negative relationships began to change. I started recognizing that their negativity was something I believed and accepted as my reality, which was something that kept me from feeling fully well.
Finding out that I could never “fix” those relationships by working harder or smarter was a tough reality for me to grasp. My personality type is one that enjoys winning, so letting the negativity go and “losing” and admitting I was wrong about someone was rough. I am so grateful for the circle of support I had around me as I was going through the transformation, and knowing what I know now has truly changed how I function in the world.
Fast forward to today– I am married to a wonderful man. A man who speaks words that are uplifting, supportive, and honest. The first year of our marriage was actually tough, how could that be? I met him, recognized his good, fell in love and married then moved into our marriage with fear from my past experience. How could it be true? Did I deserve this? When is the other shoe going to drop? Over time, I have adjusted to opposite world, and can look at my surroundings while spreading mulch and be grateful to have someone like this in my life and KNOW that this good is real.
In my toxic relationships I worked from a place that “if I did this or that, then I will be loved or this or that will change”. That is something that will never work, nothing we do can change others. Having similar values, goals, dreams, and a desire to leave a similar footprint on the world are when relationships can be most harmonious. When there are major misalignments in relationships, our vision, our goals and even the expression of our innate truth can be blocked. I want to live in a place surrounded by support and positivity.