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Finding the Strength to Heal from Abuse

I have been thinking about vulnerability. I’m coming up on the 3 year anniversary of this blog. My intent has been to share a slice of life and finding joy in the motherhood journey.

Lately, I have been lacking inspiration and direction. Today I realized the reason. I’ve touched on my story a few times here and there, but I haven’t really shared the nitty-gritty. The nitty-gritty of how to leave a lifetime of abuse behind and create a positive life of love and healing. This growth is what has created the space to be able to fully experience “joyful motherhood”.

In the past, I have shared the “end result” rather than the baby-steps it took to get to this place of healing. My work now is to share the how-to. This is the vulnerable piece for me. The information came to me in several forms all at once. It was like I hit a place in life and the universe said here, it’s your time. Go do it. Go break the cycle.

I started taking steps– I found the personal development avenues I required to start changing my thoughts, I found someone who was willing to support me and empower me through the change. It was not (and is not) always easy. Luckily, I’m strong willed or determined and my support system knows how get me to activate the right muscles to get it done, lol. I am also dedicated to use my story and my success to help others who need and want it.

Trauma Cycles

The truth is, I have only been free of abuse for 6 years. Abuse is so clouding, I didn’t even recognize I was *still* living in an abusive situation in adulthood because it felt better than my childhood. Denial at its best. I was the master of thinking “if I do this, then our situation will change”. I failed to recognize I needed to love myself enough to completely remove myself from abuse and never turn back. The saying is true, “we repeat what we don’t repair”. This is unfortunate as a mother, because we have the luxury of passing it on to our children.

Abuse leaves nasty scars. It took about 3 years after removing myself from abuse to feel calm and grounded in my new reality. Abuse affects us physically, mentally and spiritually. It damages our self-image, our self-worth, our ability to have healthy relationships, our ability to trust life, trust people, to be fully present and on and on. It causes us to suffer from anxiety, depression, trauma responses, etc. etc.

This is the piece I feel is so truly unfair, and the piece I am passionate about. The scars DO NOT have to dictate our outcome or our level of success (meaning happiness). Life does not have to be a struggle. Yes, we will be faced with struggles. However, overall healing is possible and we can stop the cycles of abuse if we truly want it.

The Mind is a Tool

I had two thoughts I held on to throughout my childhood. #1 was that I was going through this to help others and #2 I deserved more and would have a healthy family as an adult. I had a very clear image of what my “normal” family would look like. Little did I know, that the power of focus on these two thoughts would be my saving grace.

I survived sexual abuse, domestic violence, poverty, living in extreme drug addiction, and many other labels. I have survived PTSD, disassociation, and have learned to live fully in my body so that I can truly enjoy life.

The details of how to leave, how to pay for it, and how to live beyond survival unfolded. I have been able to keep my son relatively sane and I feel there has been massive healing for him too, so that hopefully he doesn’t have to carry the scars into adulthood.

I’m saddened every day when I think about abuse statistics and the reality of the drug situation in our country. I felt alone when I was young, and now recognize that a huge percentage of the world falls into these statistics. All forms of abuse damages our psyche and creates the baggage that we carry.

Over the next phase of this blog, I will start sharing the ways I learned to manage my mind, pull from my inner strength, love myself, and change my story. If you or someone you know has suffered abuse in any form, please invite them to this page so they can receive this information.

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Energetic Frequency: Protect & Nourish

A few weeks ago, my husband and I went on a nature walk to learn about medicinal plants that are local to our area. It was fascinating to learn how we can use certain plants for food, for healing, and even for shelter. The first thought the naturalist and guide touched on was the energetic frequency of plants. How they are communicating and living on a much deeper level than we can see with our naked eye.

Energetic Frequency

What is the nature of energetic frequency? It is a measurable rate of electrical energy flow that is constant between two points.

As humans we have an energetic field that surrounds us– it extends about 2-3 feet around us and the typical frequency of the human body is 62-68 MHz. Our brains, during daytime hours, are running around 72-78 MHz. 

Everything has a frequency, although there are different types of frequencies. Most electronics in our homes run around 60 MHz. Frequencies are incoherent, coherent, chaotic, harmonic, direct current (DC) or alternating current (AC). Electronics and items that are manmade have an AC current which is chaotic. Humans, plants and other items found in the natural world are DC and harmonic.

When the frequency of our body dips, we become candidates for illnesses– the immune function is suppressed.

Facts about Frequency

  1. When the right and left lobes of the brain vary more than 3 MHz, a headache sets in. When they vary more than 10 Hz, that causes a migraine.
  2. A cold sets in at 58 MHz, flu at 57 MHz, candida at 55 MHz, Epstein Barr at 52, cancer 42.
  3. It has been measured that holding a cup of coffee can drop the body down to 58 and it takes about 3 days to get the frequency back to normal on its own. 

Things that negatively impact body frequency:

  1. Processed/canned foods= 0 MHz.
  2. Negative emotions/thoughts/words.
  3. The company you keep.
  4. Toxins/environmental disturbances.

Fun facts:

  1. Fresh food and herbs have a frequency of around 15 MHz.
  2. Essential Oils can have frequencies anywhere from 52-320 MHz.
  3. Applying an oil can change your frequency in 21 seconds.

I want to talk about the quality of our thoughts and what we surround ourselves with. We can think anywhere from 12,000-60,000 thoughts per day. 98% of those thoughts are often repetitive, and those repetitive thoughts are what establishes our beliefs. Out of those 98%, repetitive thoughts, something like 80% are negative for the average person. 

Negative thoughts carry low frequencies. I’m sure you’ve had days that feel light, happy and at ease. When your frequency is low you may feel dark, confused, or heavy. The quicker you can recover your “vibe” to optimal, the healthier you will be. Blame is an emotional state that has an incredibly low frequency– forgiveness has a much higher frequency.

It is important to keep your physical body healthy by eating foods full of good vitamins/minerals and life supporting frequencies. The company you keep is also vital. The 5 people you spend the most time with should be high frequency, positive folks, and music and media can also affect frequencies.

Protecting your Vibe

Ways to support healthy energetic frequencies:

  1. Get outside (without your phone).
  2. Eat high vibe food. Fresh produce (local if possible), pure water, avoid alcohol, and chemical additives.
  3. Practice gratitude– here’s a blog post I wrote about how to foster gratitude.
  4. Check your relationships and make sure you keep good company.
  5. Use essential oils. Oils won’t necessarily prevent your frequency from dropping, however it will help reestablish optimal frequencies very quickly. You can apply and your frequency will rebound in 21 seconds! Naturally, it takes around 3 days!
  6. Make your environment beautiful. Make a space at your desk that you enjoy, keep your home serene, reduce clutter, use color.
  7. Think positive thoughts. 
  8. Meditate/Breathwork. These practices calm the mind and nervous system, reduce stress and allow you to be grounded in the present.

So, the next time you start to feel low, or maybe begin to feel sick take a moment and think about the energy you are emitting and the energy you are accepting.

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10 Essential Oils to Improve Your Mood

Who here feels the weight of negative emotions on them at some point every day? We all do, I know that for a fact and I also know that the current situation is triggering us all in ways that we are not used to.

I’m going to share with you how essential oils can help you bust through 10 common negative emotions and move on to the other side.

You don’t always have to feel this way.

Did you know emotions and our emotional patterning can become an ADDICTION? Every emotion we experience penetrates deep into our cellular structure. We all have our own stories, experiences, beliefs, and emotional turmoil.

No matter the source of our traumas, we all tend to have similar physiological responses. Each trauma we experience causes us to release chemicals (hormones, enzymes, etc) that imprint on cells. Of course, no two people are the same. So I may end up with a tension headache and you may feel it in your stomach.

What this means is that how we internalize our emotions, and how we feel DIS-EASE can also manifest as DISEASE. The good news is, we do not have to accept our negative emotions and can shift our emotions so they do not manifest as illness. I like to think of emotions as “energy-in-motion”, so we can release the negative energy.

How can oils help?

The limbic region (emotional center) of the brain dictates how we interpret intense experiences. This is the “emotional processing center” of the brain. It dictates how we store and release emotional trauma.

The limbic region of the brain is less than an inch from our olfactory nerve. When an essential oil is inhaled the molecules are trapped by the olfactory membranes. Essential oils support all of our body systems and the molecules fit like a puzzle piece into specific receptor sites that trigger the olfactory bulb.

Data is transmitted to the limbic system and messages are sent to all parts of the brain to regulate stress responses. The sense of smell causes our body to REACT before we recognize why. So if we walk into a room and lavender is diffusing we will FEEL calm before we PROCESS why we are calm. Our other senses cause us to recognize first before reacting.

Essential Oils To Shift Occasional Negative Emotions

As a rule, the compounds in essential oils bring balance to the body. Releasing with oils isn’t dramatic. The emotions release step-by-step over time so some emotions release quickly and others may more time. The longer, the older, the more damaging traumas sometimes take 30-60 days. A full red-blood-cell regeneration cycle is somewhere between 100-120 days. I’ve seen/felt dramatic emotional shifts after committing to 60 days of daily use.

I am going to share a few common negative emotions and good oils to help release them and where to apply (although you can apply or just inhale the oils and still receive the benefit).

10 Common Negative Emotions

  1. Anger— Purification oil blend applied over the liver (under right rib-cage). I have been having my teenager diffuse this one in his room to help keep his emotions balanced.
  2. Grief— Joy oil blend over the heart. The opposite emotion of grief is happiness.
  3. Resentment— Lemongrass applied over hepatic duct (under right rib cage again). Resentment is a very toxic emotion and is typically directed at someone else, however ultimately hurting only the person carrying the resentment.
  4. Fear— My favorite oil blend for fear is Valor. Valor is a great oil to provide emotional balance and feelings of courage. I mention a book below that even shares essential oils for specific fears.
  5. Failure— Peppermint is great applied over the collarbone to release feelings of failure.
  6. Overwhelm— Envision essential oil blend is a great oil for giving you clear vision and releasing feelings of overwhelm. A confused mind is usually unable to make clear decisions and generally stops in its tracks which can prevent you from making positive steps forward.
  7. Guilt— I know all of us sometimes feel guilty. Humans tend to take on guilt when setting boundaries or saying no to others and some of us hold on to guilt over our past. The oil blend Clarity works wonders to release guilt. I like to apply this one on the left lower ribs.
  8. Exhaustion— Have you ever felt emotionally exhausted? Do you feel all the feelings? The essential oil blend PanAway works wonders to release occasional emotional exhaustion and I love applying it over my lower back/sacral area.
  9. Sadness— Lemon essential oil can quickly change a sad mood. The sinus body alarm point is a great place to apply and that is located in the middle of the forehead between the eyes.
  10. Occasional Depression— The oil blend Peace & Calming is wonderful for shifting occasional depression, it is nice to apply it on the occipital bone (the bone on the back of your head behind ears).


When applying an essential oil to release occasional negative emotions, using an affirmation can help. I often use the book Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils by Carolyn Mein and the book is a very comprehensive guide. It shares oils to use for certain emotions, specific emotional points, a how-to guide for muscle testing, and affirmations for quickly shifting emotional patterns.

Want to learn more?

I am not a medical professional and I want to reiterate that if any of your emotional difficulties are chronic, please see a professional. If learning more about this fascinates you the book is a wonderful tool. If you haven’t started with essential oils, understand how to get them for 24% off retail.

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Using Breath to De-stress

This week, I started a 21-day self-care challenge in my Facebook group. One of the challenges this week was to stop 3 times a day to take 5 deep breaths. Life begins with our first breath and ends at our last. Breathing is a fairly unconscious action. It is often taken for granted until our breathing is impaired.

Mind/body connection

Every system in our body relies on oxygen. Physically oxygen moves to our bloodstream via the lungs. Anxiety or stress causes a racing mind and breathing to be short, rapid, and shallow. Every thought is linked to a breath.

Thinking one thing while your body is doing another is an example of “dis-integration”. Meaning, not living in the present moment or in unity. An easy way to start living in the present is by improving the quality of your breathing.

Mindfully taking slow, steady, gentle, and deep breaths will calm and relax your mind, reduce tension and anxiety, and improve concentration. Breathwork is a way to control emotions and fears, the mind will be less agitated so we can work and communicate from balanced thoughts.

Long slow deep breaths fill the lower spaces of the lungs. Most of us only use 1/3 of our lung capacity, so as breath quality improves carbon dioxide and impurities will begin to detox.

Checking in with myself

My breath is how I check in on myself to check on my emotional state. I used to feel anxious and shaky nearly all of the time, so learning how much power is in the breath was a game-changer. I can release anxiety or emotional discord relatively quickly when I tune in to my breathing quality.

On days where I’m having difficulty slowing breath or my mind, I can add an essential oil or a mantra to my practice to find balance much quicker. I know we are living in stressful times and I want to share all that I know for staying calm.

Recently I started a new Facebook group, the intention is to create a positive community of support for moms. I will share tips to stay uplifted, find time for self-care, family balance, and more as the community evolves. Please feel free to send me a join request if this feels like something you would benefit from.

When the breath wanders, the mind also is unsteady…Hatha Yoga Pradipika

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The Household Healer

“Our children are our garden. They absorb our stress, just as they absorb our peace. They absorb our negativity, just as they absorb our joy. We have the power to control what they absorb, but first, we must tend to ourselves.”⁠⠀
—Rachel Macy Stafford

My blogging has taken the back burner. The climate of the world has been tough for me to address in writing so I have been educating myself and truly examining and strengthening my core.

I just want to share a little bit about my parenting philosophy and why I share the things I share. In our home, we lean away from mainstream thought when it comes to healing and I value my role in our family as our healer. So, we do lots of things like essential oils, tinctures, foods, supplements, lotions, and potions, and emotional wellness.

A family touchpoint for wellness is to make sure we are tending to our physical, spiritual and emotional bodies. This keeps us strong as we are faced with challenges, triumphs. We have to adjust, adapt, and acclimatize as life comes at us.

My most important work as a mother is to stay emotionally strong and balanced. Yes, I have weak moments and yes, I make mistakes. So I try really damn hard to own it and make a change as quickly as possible so that I am one of the peaceful leaders of our pack.

On the broader scale, I have really internalized how important family wellness is for all of humanity. For a while, I felt helpless, and like our society is crumbling (and it may be) but what can I control? I can control myself (thoughts) and what I allow to infiltrate my kids. I think the healing of the world begins at home and I am ready to take those steps every day.